Mirror, Mirror...

I can understand one handbag, but two? It’s just tacky.

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 19:14:05 -0700

I can understand one handbag, but two? It’s just tacky.

But why is she wearing glasses if she’s so obviously...

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 16:52:35 -0700

But why is she wearing glasses if she’s so obviously blind?

What could she possibly be purchasing at Best Buy? Temple of...

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 22:43:32 -0700

What could she possibly be purchasing at Best Buy? Temple of Doom on Blu-ray?

Yes, the pickle was in the ziploc baggie that’s sticking...

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 22:06:12 -0700

Yes, the pickle was in the ziploc baggie that’s sticking out of her purse. A PICKLE IS A HEALTHY AND DELICIOUS SNACK, OK?

First, the little toe tries to escape. Then, apparently, EVERY...

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 21:46:18 -0700

First, the little toe tries to escape. Then, apparently, EVERY SINGLE VEIN IN HER LEGS.

Like, how dirty would the rest of your clothes have to be before...

Thu, 10 Mar 2011 20:05:09 -0700

Like, how dirty would the rest of your clothes have to be before you would choose to wear this?

Be brave, little clip. You have a mighty job to do. It is a...

Tue, 08 Mar 2011 19:58:16 -0700

Be brave, little clip. You have a mighty job to do. It is a thankless job, I’m sure.

I hope you and those awesome clear flip-flops will rest well tonight.

I take a lot of pictures of people. A LOT. I’ve never been...

Mon, 07 Mar 2011 20:08:39 -0700

I take a lot of pictures of people. A LOT. I’ve never been full out called out on it like I was this time.

Granted, I was in an Auto Zone (a horrifying story for another time), but still.

YOU DON’T WEAR THIS SHIRT IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE POSTED ON THE INTERNETS.

Thankfully, I run quickly and scream like a girl. I WIN.

Now, my assumption is this is not her natural hair color. But I...

Sun, 06 Mar 2011 20:40:32 -0700

Now, my assumption is this is not her natural hair color.

But I don’t know. I’ve seen Powder.

NATURE CAN DO SOME AMAZING THINGS, OK?

Sometimes, it’s like the pictures take themselves.

Sun, 06 Mar 2011 19:55:06 -0700

Sometimes, it’s like the pictures take themselves.

But too proud to buy an appropriately sized tshirt, apparently.

Fri, 04 Mar 2011 19:22:43 -0700

But too proud to buy an appropriately sized tshirt, apparently.

I wonder how early she has to get up every morning to perfect...

Thu, 03 Mar 2011 20:04:37 -0700

I wonder how early she has to get up every morning to perfect that hairstyle.

Very, very early, probably.

See, a nice person would’ve told this poor woman that...

Wed, 02 Mar 2011 20:27:22 -0700

See, a nice person would’ve told this poor woman that someone apparently snuck up behind her and dipped her hair in bleach.

I? Am not a nice person.

But I ~did~ take a picture for you guys. I’m nice in, you know, different ways.

Please use the money that you OBVIOUSLY saved on shoes to buy a...

Wed, 02 Mar 2011 16:08:45 -0700

Please use the money that you OBVIOUSLY saved on shoes to buy a bra.

Damn.

She’s buying diapers. That means she either has a child or...

Sat, 26 Feb 2011 16:43:31 -0700

She’s buying diapers. That means she either has a child or (I hope) a grandchild. Either way, at some point in time, some dude put his penis in her vagina. I cannot imagine this was her ~seduction~ outfit.

Unless they were at a Whitesnake concert.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my grandma. But, oh man, if I...

Fri, 25 Feb 2011 22:14:45 -0700

Don’t get me wrong. I love my grandma. But, oh man, if I could adopt this precious lady as my own? I would do it IN. A. HEARTBEAT.

Every Sunday morning we would mall walk, followed by a trip to Cracker Barrel for some country ham and then we’d watch DVDs of The Golden Girls while bedazzling the fuck out of our matching jean jackets.

I know this is a little bit blurry. Partly because she was...

Fri, 25 Feb 2011 19:26:55 -0700

I know this is a little bit blurry. Partly because she was starting to move away from the counter, but mostly because I was so, so very excited to get a picture of this hot, hot mess.

What hath Snooki wrought?

Fri, 25 Feb 2011 16:21:27 -0700

What hath Snooki wrought?

Listen, I’m not going to tell you I...

Fri, 25 Feb 2011 14:57:54 -0700

Listen, I’m not going to tell you I haven’t thought about rocking a cape once in a while. Here’s the thing, though… I don’t. Because I’m not insane.

But good for this guy. May he always have access to all the porn he’s obviously going to need.

Where do I start? Why does he have a purse? Why is he pushing a...

Fri, 25 Feb 2011 00:00:25 -0700

Where do I start? Why does he have a purse? Why is he pushing a racecar cart? How many pizzas could he possibly need?